Monday, January 23, 2012

How to: Live with Divorce

Divorce hits many families every year; we all have our own way of dealing with it. Here is my advice on to how to make due with a sometimes unfortunate situation: 
Don’t choose sides; stay neutral. Growing up, you may feel more of a bond with one parent or the other. Many people would say, “I am a mama’s boy/girl” or “I am a daddy’s girl/boy”. This is normal, but if something like divorce comes into your family, you cannot play favorites or chose sides. This only causes more tension within the family. When kids do this, they make one parent feel bad and all it does is put a strain on your relationships. Sometimes, it may seem like a divorce is one person’s fault. Wrong. There are two people to every marriage, and it is ultimately a joint effort. You can’t place the blame on one person or the other. The best way to be happy within a divorced family is to stay neutral. Don’t play one parent against the other, or make yourself choose between the two of them. They are both your parents, and they deserve to receive the joy you most likely bring them.
It is not all about you. Like every kid, I sometimes think the world revolves around me. Who doesn’t think this way, let’s be honest? But there comes a time when you need to wake up and realize that there are more people around you, than just you. When divorce occurs, the most important thing to remember is that this is not happening to just you. You need to remember that there are more people than just yourself being affected by this sudden change within your family. You also need to remember that your parents are doing what is best for themselves as well as what is best for you in the long run, even though it may not seem like that at the time. If it seems like something is wrong or bothering one or both of your parents, you need to remember that they are going through the same adjustments you are, but they just have to deal with it differently. It isn’t anything you did or didn’t do, so sometimes the best thing to do is to live your life and not let how they feel affect you. Divorce is hard, not only for the kid, but for the parents as well.
Don’t let it define who you are. Divorce may feel like the end of the world, but take it from me, it isn’t. It is just a little bump in the road. You can’t just stop living your life. You need to hold your head up and move on. This may seem hard to do, but it is what will help you get past it all. Don’t let a decision your parents made affect what you do or stop you from doing what you love to do. If I would have stopped caring and doing everything I loved doing when my parents got divorced, I would not be the same person I am today. You have to live your life to the fullest and not let anything get you down.
My parents got divorced when I was three; I have had to live with divorce for fourteen years now. By remembering all of these things, I have been able to live the best life I could imagine. Although it may seem hard at the time, and maybe for a little while after, just remember to always look for the silver lining, and know that it will be there waiting for you.

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